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恐惧是你的朋友、敌人？
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2021-09-01 青岛若水心里咨询有限公司
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<p class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">恐惧是你的朋友、敌人？</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">有些恐惧使我们安全。其他人会造成困扰。你能说出区别吗？</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<p class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">关键点</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">有些恐惧是必要的，而有些只会造成压力。</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">接受恐惧并尊重它是消除恐惧的最有效方法。</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list 36.0pt;">
<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">无益的恐惧会导致人们伤害他人、关闭、伤害他们的正直感并违反他们的不伤害原则。</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<p class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">从洞穴人时代开始，人类就已经被负面</span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/bias" title="今日心理学着眼于偏见"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;"><span lang="EN-US">偏见</span></span></a></span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">覆盖了。这意味着为了将您的</span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/genetics" title="今日心理学着眼于基因"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;"><span lang="EN-US">基因</span></span></a></span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">保留在基因库中，您最好能够发现危险。不理灌木丛中沙沙声的洞人可能被剑齿虎吃掉了，而逃跑的洞人却活着讲述了这个故事。如果一只无害的兔子发出沙沙声，而洞穴人觉得自己像个傻瓜，这有什么区别？与其成为某人的晚餐，不如感到尴尬。</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">在一个充满有形和无形威胁的快速变化的世界中（想想</span><span lang="EN-US"> Covid-19</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">），有很多事情值得</span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/fear" title="今日心理学着眼于恐惧"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;"><span lang="EN-US">恐惧</span></span></a></span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">，也有很多错误的思考方式。是否有可能将您想象的恐惧与真实的恐惧区分开来？答案是肯定的。做到这一点的方法之一是提高您对思维方式的认识。</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">下面可以作为练习或冥想恐惧的指南。</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<span lang="EN-US">F</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">：恐惧是你的朋友。这听起来有点奇怪，我们要接纳而不是避免、隐藏或羞辱你的恐惧来帮助你感到安全和受到尊重。重要的是不要过度认同你的恐惧。当考虑你的恐惧时，试着说</span><span lang="EN-US">“</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">有恐惧</span><span lang="EN-US">”</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">而不是</span><span lang="EN-US">“</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">我很害怕</span><span lang="EN-US">”</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">。恐惧时起时落。</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<p class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">显然，有些恐惧保护着我们。害怕剑齿虎是有道理的。</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<span lang="EN-US">E</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">：探索。你的恐惧对你自己和他人是有益的、道德的、健康的还是虚弱的？有用的恐惧让我们保持安全，防止我们伤害自己和他人。无益的恐惧使我们伤害他人、关闭自己、伤害我们的正直感并违反我们自己的不伤害原则。健康的恐惧是害怕伤害他人或伤害自己。害怕伤害他人是不酒后驾车的一个很好的理由，或者如果您打算喝酒，则有指定的司机。</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<p class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">当你心情不好时，害怕伤害自己是避免与配偶争论的一个很好的理由。你可能会反应过度，说出一些你会后悔的话，并违背自己的善意。有时，您可能需要咨询可信赖的朋友，以区分有用的恐惧和无益的恐惧。</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">问问自己，我害怕什么？它是真实的，是现在发生的，还是我</span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/imagination" title="今日心理学着眼于想象力"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;"><span lang="EN-US">想象</span></span></a></span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">的产物？清楚什么受到威胁？是你的人身安全吗？在这种情况下，您需要保护自己。还是你的自我？您是否害怕犯错、看起来很愚蠢、害怕被拒绝或受到批评？你能调整你的期望吗？也许放松你对</span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/identity" title="今日心理学着眼于自我形象"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;"><span lang="EN-US">自我形象的</span></span></a><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/attachment" title="今日心理学着眼于依恋"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;"><span lang="EN-US">依恋</span></span></a>——</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">如果这些描述不合适，添加你自己的</span><span lang="EN-US">——</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">坚强、勇敢、独立、完美、快乐、聪明和美丽。</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<span lang="EN-US">A</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">：允许恐惧存在，承认它。确定它在您体内的位置。让自己熟悉恐惧，以此作为一种分离和减少恐惧影响生活的方式。你怎么知道什么时候害怕？了解体征和症状。朋友，尊重。不要做出反应、奔跑或</span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/embarrassment" title="今日心理学着眼于羞耻"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;"><span lang="EN-US">羞辱</span></span></a></span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">自己。只是坐在它旁边。如果您进行冥想练习，这可能会更容易。</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">文章在广告后继续</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<span lang="EN-US">R</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">：释放。当威胁消失时，释放恐惧。斯坦福大学生物科学、神经病学和神经科学教授罗伯特</span><span lang="EN-US">·</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">萨波尔斯基</span><span lang="EN-US"> (Robert Sapolsky) </span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">多年来一直在研究</span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/stress" title="今日心理学着眼于压力"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;"><span lang="EN-US">压力</span></span></a></span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">对健康的影响。在他的著作《为什么斑马不会患溃疡》中，他解释说，在狮子杀死并吃掉其中的一个成员之后，其他斑马会继续吃草。他们不会思考刚刚发生的事情。他们不会问自己，</span><span lang="EN-US">“</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">如果是我呢？</span><span lang="EN-US">” “</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">如果下一次<i>是</i>我呢？</span><span lang="EN-US">” “</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">如果其他斑马死了是我的错怎么办？</span><span lang="EN-US">”<o:p></o:p></span>
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<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">总结一些该做和不该做的事情：许多恐惧是有道理的。我们需要</span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/attention" title="今日心理学看注意力"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;"><span lang="EN-US">关注</span></span></a></span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">他们并做一些事情来保护自己。但很多都是非理性的。考虑过度担心。佛教徒说，忧虑就像与未来争论。换句话说，将会发生什么，担心它不会改变任何事情。这个概念经常被误认为是鼓励被动。关键不是被动，而是要有洞察力。把你能控制的和你不能控制的分开。</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;">我们的许多恐惧都是基于自我和对自我认同的执着。很多时候，我们渴望得到认可并努力避免不认可。我们需要正确。我们强迫自己做到完美。我们让想象中的恐惧抑制我们，让我们失望。我们让我们的自我决定我们的行动。我们允许我们的思想继续搅动。我们认同我们的恐惧。</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span>
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